Selfishness vs. Self-Preservation

Selfishness vs. Self-Preservation. What is the difference, and why is it important to differentiate?

Over the past week these two topics have been on my mind. Most of us are taught early in life to avoid being selfish at all costs. If you are born a woman, multiply that by a thousand.

Life has a way of showing us that there are specific times that a little selfishness is for our benefit. Whether it is a bad relationship, a poor work environment, or a toxic situation, you must exit.

Is that being selfish?  Most people would immediately so NO. But what if…our interpretation of selfish allows no room for self-preservation? What if we were never shown the difference?  Then what?

Selfish is a blatant disregard for others or the outcome. It is an ego-based decision on what suits you best. Self-preservation is when you care about others, but understand that you need to put yourself first sometimes. In other words, you love and respect YOU enough to say, ‘this is no longer healthy for me.’

Life can present very difficult situations. Understanding the need of self-preservation is a must. Learning to love yourself is a process. It is not something that happens overnight. 

A few years back I was watching one of Oprah’s Masterclass shows. She put out the challenge for 30 days to stand in front of your bathroom mirror, look yourself in the eye and say:  “I love you, I really love you.” The idea being if you do something for 30 days it becomes a habit. 

I decided that I needed to do this. Having struggled with self-esteem issues all my life, I felt it could not hurt. The first morning I looked me in the eye and said the words, I started crying. It was what Oprah would call an “Aha!” moment. I realized I had never told myself that I loved me. It also meant that I had not placed enough importance on myself in the past, OR that I even thought I had a right. It was why I had stayed in toxic relationships longer than I should have.  I cried a lot of tears that first day. By day 30, I smiled and blew myself a kiss.  

It’s one thing for someone else to say it, but if you do not love yourself, there is always a hole that you are looking for someone else to fill.  Only YOU and ME can fill that hole.  We must love ourselves first, before we can truly love another or receive healthy love.

So, my friends, I invite you to try the 30-Day Love Myself Challenge. Plant your feet firmly on the ground, look yourself in the eye in a mirror and say: ‘I love you, I really love.’

Let me know in the comments if you are taking my challenge. Until next week, love yourself knowing you are worth it.