High society weddings can be combustible!
Jasmina Eustice Howard was a proper, God-fearing, southern woman (God rest her in perpetual light and everlasting peace). You’d never meet a more gracious and accessorized woman anywhere. She always had a smile on her face, decked to the nines as though she had stepped straight out of a Southern Living spread, home-baked dessert, and coffee in hand. Her exposure to books and movies in her childhood sparked in her a deep love of style and grace. Some may even suggest a good sprinkling of vanity as well. Someone with her heightened sense of decorum found it a huge consternation that her paternal family produced more than a few relatives of eccentrical character. As the Apostle Paul lamented, we all have a cross to bear. Press on weary pilgrim.
Jasmina was the oldest child of Melvin and Geneva (McBook) Eustice born in 1929. She was soon followed by Joy Lovey, Gordon James, and Lucinda Jane who everyone called Lucy Jay. The family lived in Colony, a small rural town in southern Mississippi.
While her paternal family was a challenge to navigate, Jasmina’s maternal family was her badge of pride. The McBook’s were by no means considered wealthy, but most was educated and business owners. They had to struggle to make ends meet like all rural folks, but her Grandpa McBook owned and operated a sawmill. Many of the other McBook’s were schoolteachers so growing up Jasmina, her three siblings, and cousins were accustomed to books, magazines, and newspapers. On Saturdays, their Aunt Adeline McBook Kingston would take them to a matinée at the local movie theater in Colony. The young Jasmina had visions of riding off into the sunset with Gene Autry. In rural Mississippi in the 30s and 40s, movie going was not a common practice. Thanks to Netflix and Amazon Prime, some would say it’s still not.
Gordon James Eustice wore the same badge of pride, yet sadly, he would be struck down with the Eustice ‘eccentricity’ in his early 30s. He proclaimed he was a messenger from God (aren’t we all?), but then he decided that he WAS God at some point. From there it was downhill straight to thirty-minute blessings at Thanksgiving and handwritten sermons in your mailbox pointing out a particular sin you needed to address. This behavior was forever referred to as “a spell” and certainly never discussed in public. Long before his ‘spells’ began to occur, he was quite charming and managed to snag the hand of a hometown debutante, Pansy Mae Purvis. She was a beautiful, black-haired, brown-eyed girl from a well-to-do Colony family. Together the two made a striking pair.
Even though Jasmina’s maternal family was educated and well-read they were country people. Pansy’s family had old money and was members of the Colony Country Club. Jasmina and her Aunt Addie were determined that their side of the family was going to look like they could belong to a country club if nothing else.
No one ever explained what “old money” meant. As a kid, I thought it was just a bunch of crumpled up one-dollar bills stuck in an old cookie tin hidden under the azalea bush out by the back porch. I was never really sure since my family never had old money. Daddy always said if Momma had money in her purse, it would burn a hole straight through until it was gone.
The wedding was a month away and Jasmina, ever the worrier, began to fret about what everyone was going to wear. Normally she sewed clothes for everyone. She sewed like a dream and her children did not own store-bought clothes until they were in junior high. She decided homemade would not be appropriate and it would be far less stressful to buy something ready-made. Less stressful for her maybe but what really happened is another story.
On a hot and humid Saturday morning in early July, she gave her two sisters strict instructions on what kind of dresses they had to purchase for the wedding. She directed them to visit the most exclusive dress shop in Colony, Fontaine’s. This was where the ‘in’ crowd shopped. Addie, who was a woman of fashion herself, totally backed Jasmina and helped fund part of the trip with some of her school teaching money.
Off they went in Joy Lovey’s 1954 Bellaire the thirteen miles into Colony. Joy Lovey was about twenty-three years old and already married with a child. She and Jock Thibodeaux had married the day after she graduated from Colony High School. Jock’s family owned a couple of mercantile stores over the state line in Louisiana. She prided herself in being married to a businessman who could provide her with a new car every few years, especially during a time when having a new car was seen as being wealthy. She stood 5’5” in her stocking feet, overly endowed in the bust area and a little on the “fluffy” side. Losing that baby weight from having her son Scooter had proven to be harder than she expected!
They quickly found a parking spot right in front of Fontaine’s and began to admire all the lovely shoes in the storefront windows before going inside. If you’re going to buy a dress for a high society wedding, that means you need shoes and a purse too. Joy Lovey adored anything that sparkled. She quickly found a pair of gold lame’ pumps with a glittery bow across the top. As the salesclerk approached, Joy Lovey immediately noticed he was tall and handsome.
“Hello ladies, welcome to Fontaine’s! How can I assist you this fine Saturday morning?” He bowed as he spoke.
As Joy Lovey was prone to do, she immediately started batting her blue eyes and flouncing her curls, as she presented him with the gold lame’ pump. “I’d like to try these in a size 6, please.”
“Oh of course, Madame. I’ll just pop in the back and get those for you. Why don’t you have a seat while you wait.” As he walked off, Joy Lovey kept elbowing Lucy Jay. Lucy Jay being a teenager scrunched her nose up.
“Why are you elbowing me Joy Lovey? That’s just gross! He’s old enough to be our father! Eeoow!” Joy Lovey just rolled her eyes. It was obvious that Lucy Jay did not understand the sensibilities of a mature woman. “What would Jock Thibodeaux think if he saw you fawning all over that old guy?” “Oh, shush up, I was just being nice. Don’t get your panties in a wad.” Joy Lovey replied. Seeing the clerk reappear from the back with a shoebox in his hand, she cleared her throat and immediately sat up straight as he sat down on the little stool in front of her.
After three attempts, considerable grunting and giggles, Joy Lovey squealed with delight when a size 8 mercifully fit.
“Look, Lucy Jay! See how the bow catches the light? It’s just like the shoes the girls wear on The Grand Ole Opry!”
“Whatever…can we go look at dresses now?” Lucy Jay appealed, already tired of this shopping mess. She was ready to get home and hang out with her best friend, Annabelle Bullock.
While Joy Lovey continued to giggle and flounce her curls, the clerk agreed to put the shoes on their “tab”, and they proceeded to the junior’s section to find Lucy Jay a frock for the big day. They quickly found a pink number with polka dots which was all the rage at Colony Junior High. Surely pink polka dots spelled high society wedding!
“This dress looks like pink Pepto Bismal with pimples all over it. I can’t believe I have to wear this thing! Why can’t I just wear my regular Sunday dress that’s already broke in?” Lucy Jay whined.
“Oh stop! It’s not every day your only brother marries the most popular gal in town.” Joy Lovey chided.
As Lucy Jay circled one more time in the mirror, she said, “Just a big hooey over nothing if you ask me. Those people don’t even like us. They always act like someone broke wind when we’re around.”
Finally, they start flicking through the dresses in the Women’s section for Joy Lovey. This was not going to be an easy chore. With the extra weight she gained from having Scooter and ample bosoms, finding a dress to hang right was always a struggle. Joy Lovey prided herself in being the family artiste and felt she needed to dress as dramatically as necessary for her art. She loved to sing and play the piano. Her feelings were still hurt that Pansy Mae had overlooked her as an option to provide a lovely wedding song. She had taken voice lessons from Mrs. Bertha Comstock over in Madisonville and had fallen in love with operas. Her specialty on Sunday morning at Shaky Cane Baptist Church was to share her personal operatic arrangements of time-honored hymns. You have not heard “Standing on the Promises” until it’s arranged as an operatic aria. Many folks often tell her that when she sings the hairs on the backs of their necks stand up. It was quite unfortunate that she was often a half-step off key, but whatever it took to do the Lord’s work through music.
As they were browsing through the endless racks of dresses, the store’s head salesclerk, Mrs. Bettye Lou Buckley, approached and asked if they needed any assistance. Lucy Jay beyond tired of this whole process immediately launched into the story of needing a proper dress for their brother’s high society wedding. “There was a huge write-up and engagement photo in the “Colony Review.” It’s the Eustice/Purvis wedding at the Colony Country Club on August 15th at 2 p.m.”
Still smiling Mrs. Buckley nodded, “OH YES!” Miss Pansy! She is one of our most frequent customers. So, you two lucky girls are going to be her sister’s-in-law? Well in that case, please allow me to show you our most recent pieces from St. Louis’ summer collection! Her high heels clicked as she walked over to a glass encased cabinet of fancy dresses. Joy Lovey nudged Lucy Jay and rolled her eyes. Lucy Jay leaned in and whispered, “You reckon those St. Louie gals sweat in the summer?” Joy Lovey started giggling.
Mrs. Buckley came over with an armful of dresses for Joy Lovey to try on. Hustling both girls into a fitting room she inquired if Joy Lovey would need any “foundations” to go with her dress. They both looked at one another, embarrassed to admit that neither one of them knew what a foundation was other than the slab of concrete you poured when building a house. Why couldn’t Jasmina have come with them? She’d know what a foundation was!
Mrs. Buckley leaned in closer and whispered that foundations were under things such as slips, bras, girdles, etc. Accessing Joy Lovey’s considerable girth, she suggested with her plastered smile that Joy Lovey might want to consider a girdle for a smoother look under her clothes. Remembering her sister’s stern words, they both quickly agreed that yes, Joy Lovey needed some foundations. Probably more than one just to be safe!
Mrs. Buckley reappeared holding a large rubber square about the size of a paper towel. “Here dear, put this on before you slip into a dress.” They both looked at Joy Lovey’s bosoms and mid-section then back at the rubber sleeve and thought the same thing. “How in tarnation are we going to get this thing on?” In the early 50s girdles were not made from soft, pretty material. They were not more than a huge rubber band and if it was a hot day (and it was always hot in Colony), would smell like burnt tires if too much friction was applied.
Again, with Jasmina’s voice in their ears, Joy Lovey began the process of putting on the girdle. Quickly she was out of breath realizing that putting on foundations was hard work. “Lucy Jay, don’t just stand there gawking at me, help me, please!”
Lucy Jay begins to tug on the girdle. She tugs and tugs until she was covered in sweat. “Stop moving around, Joy Lovey. I can’t get a good grip on this thing while you are wiggling around.”
“I am doing the best I can, Lucy Jay, but you are pinching me…. stop it, it hurts!” Both were exhausted and it was evident that dang girdle would not move up Joy Lovey’s abundant hips. They were making so much noise that Mrs. Buckley called in, “Do you girls need some help in there?” Not wanting to embarrass themselves further, they both called back, “No Ma’am, we’ve got it.” Still, they tugged and huffed and puffed.
“What am I going to do, Lucy Jay? I can’t get this thing on, and Jasmina is going to have my hide if I come home without proper foundations!” Joy Lovey leaned back on the wall in the tiny fitting area to catch her breath.
“Well for one, you could lay off those mater sandwiches with extra Blue Plate for starters!” Lucy Jay barked as she gave one last tug on the girdle.
“Now don’t get all crazy, Lucy Jay! This is just one instance, and I’ve never had to wear a girdle before. Besides, I’m still nursing Scooter. I need all the energy I can get!” Joy Lovey defended herself.
Once again Mrs. Buckley hesitantly called in, “Maybe a little baby powder would help?” Short of asking for a can of Crisco, it couldn’t hurt, right?
Lucy Jay took the powder and liberally sprinkled a little in the front and back. Pretty soon the fitting room had a fine mist of white powder floating around, but it did seem to be helping and miraculously the girdle was on and in place! They both noticed that Joy Lovey’s midsection was nicely pulled in and smooth. It didn’t matter that her bosoms were now pushed right under her chin. The foundation was on, and she was going to look fabulous!
Joy Lovey had chosen a robin’s egg blue dress because it matched the color of her eyes. They gently slipped it over her head of curls and admired her sudden trimmed-down figure in the floor length mirror on the wall. They both had to admit that she looked great in the dress and the cleavage was epic.
Lucy Jay leaned against the wall as Joy Lovey preened in front of the big mirror. “I must admit sis, you look like a knock-out with that girdle on underneath your dress.” About that time, Joy Lovey decided to try on her lovely new gold lame’ shoes to get the full effect. While bending down for the first shoe they heard a weird, tiny whistling sound.
“What’s that noise?” Lucy Jay asked looking around the fitting room. Joy Lovey stood back up and quickly realized that along with the whistling sound the newly installed girdle was pinching the dickens out of her midsection. The whistling sound continued to get louder and louder. They both realized that it was the girdle! It was ripping apart right on her body! Clutching the wall with one hand and her bosoms with the other she quickly yelled, “Get outta here Lucy Jay, this thing’s bout to blow!”
CAPOWEE!!
It ripped completely down the back just like a rubber band popping against paper. You would have thought someone had fired a shotgun and old hound dogs had treed a squirrel it was so loud. The split girdle missed Lucy Jay’s head by an arm’s length! The lovely robin egg’s blue dress was in shreds down the back.
After the initial shock, they were both overcome with a fit of laughter and could barely stand up. Mrs. Buckley came running to find out what was going on. “Girls, girls! Are you alright?” Joy Lovey was laughing so hard she got the farts which made them laugh harder. Lucy Jay with tears rolling down her cheeks yelled out, “It’s okay, we went from a knock-out to a blow-out!”
Somehow the two of them made it through Gordon and Pansy’s society wedding without embarrassing Jasmina, but she never let them forget the ‘great blow-out’ as it was forever called. It was also years before any of them darkened the doors of Fontaine’s again. Rumor had it that Mrs. Buckley retired shortly after the great blow out. Someone said she had to be treated for a nervous condition resulting from every time a car backfired or a gun went off.
As my Daddy always said, make sure the blanket is big enough for the pig!
