Circuit Overload

Have you ever had a circuit overload in your home? I came pretty close to having one last week. Not the kind involving a fuse box; I mean the kind you have when your internal battery is depleting faster than a pot of hot coffee on a cold morning.

It has taken me many years to understand that I have an empathic gift. I sense the energy and vibrations around me. This includes the energy from humans and animals. For years I felt I was weird and at times, crazy. (Stopping typing wise-acres.)

What this means is that if someone communicates with me, I immediately feel the energy they emote. It doesn’t have to be someone close to me, it can be a stranger. Negative, positive, whatever – I get it all. Think about that.

Once I learned this about myself, things began to click in my mind. I hate being in large crowds. It explains why I feel like leaving my shopping cart and running out of Wal-Mart after about thirty minutes. It can feel very overwhelming and panic attack inducing. Yes, I have had those since my early 20s.

That’s how it goes dealing with people, but it also affects how I feel mentally in my environment if things are out of whack. Last week was definitely that. A dishwasher down, waiting on a part meant no hot water in my kitchen. For someone who cooks every day, this is enough for me to “take to the bed” as Leanne Morgan likes to say.

THEN, it rained every single day. I usually love rain, but too much of a good thing can get on your last nerve. Due to the dishwasher leak, I had four loads of wet towels and rug to deal with. At one point, it felt like my whole house was a soggy sponge.

In addition, we were puppysitting for my sister who was out of town. My sweet puppy nephew got sick mid-week. More mopping and towels to deal with.

I have a creative job. Literally. I draw and paint and people pay me. I love it with all my heart and soul, but guess what? I cannot go from what I just described, to channeling my creative efforts through a paintbrush and it comes out looking good. This means I am now WAY behind on a client project.

I realize that these things are minor inconveniences. My brain computes, but my emotional and spiritual side is flashing a warning sign – your circuits are full.

If I am being honest, I have a hard time adhering to my boundaries. SHOCKER.  Because I love my friends and family so much, if they reach out to me during the day, sometimes multiple times, I have a hard time saying, “I really cannot talk or respond right now – I’m working.” Since I no longer work in a traditional job setting, I know it is easy to think, “Tracey is at home, let me reach out to her.”

Up until the day she passed, I would hear my mother on the phone telling her friends “Tracey is in her office coloring.” Yeah, Mom, I’m over here with my coloring book and Crayola big box coloring and doodling.

I take full responsibility for my circuitry issues. I am in control of how much energy I allow gushing toward me at any given time. I can ignore a text or message. I do not have to answer the phone. Even explain – from x-to-x times, I am unable to talk. I have tried this previously and still got, “Oh, this won’t take but a minute.” I’m not the only one with boundary issues, eh?

Have you experienced something similar? Do you find yourself overwhelmed being with people or in certain spaces? I hope not, because it is draining feeling so much ALL THE TIME. If you do, how do you self-care and set boundaries?

It all boils down to loving myself. My time is valuable and I am the only one who can convey that message. It also shows other people how to treat me. If my boundaries are non-existent, I cannot be angry if my time is swallowed up by other peoples needs and distractions.

I am determined to manage things better this week. The minor inconveniences will come and go. People will still need me in some form or fashion. That’s a given. How I handle it all is up to me.