Secrets require hard decisions. Is it worth it?
It took many tears and several weeks, but plans were put into action. Sandy was spending one last night with DW before they left in the morning for Mobile. They were sitting in DW’s truck in their usual spot behind Ms. Betty’s Dairy Dip but neither one really felt like eating.
“Sandy, are you sure we are making the right decision?” DW held her as close to his side as he could.
“Danny…..we’ve been over this again and again. It may not be what we want, but we are doing what is best for our child. Isn’t that the true definition of love? Placing the other person first over yourself?” Sandy took DW’s right hand and placed it on her belly along with hers. She was only showing a tiny bit at this point, but with baggy t-shirts and sweaters, no one knew at school that Sandy was pregnant. If anything, some thought she was just sad because she had stopped laughing and joining in, but otherwise, no one knew outside the two families.
“No one ever tells you that love hurts.” Danny whispered, tears pouring down his face.
“I know.” Was all Sandy could muster. They sat there for hours until the only cars left in the parking lot were Ms. Betty’s and two of her helpers. Finally, DW turned his truck towards Sandy’s house one last time. They had said everything they wanted to say, and Sandy promised to write him, and he promised to call. When he pulled out of the Woods driveway one last time, Sandy felt as if her heart would break into. So, this was what being an adult felt like. She wished they could turn back the clock; back to a time when all they had to decide was what burger to have at Ms. Betty’s or if they were going to the dance after the football game.
The next morning, Leon loaded all of Sandy’s things into the trunk of the car. Laney and Jeannie wanted to travel to Mobile with them, but Sandy said no. It was hard enough already. The three girls stood in Sandy’s bedroom hugging one another and crying.
“You know we’ll be waiting for you when you get back.” Laney said into Sandy’s hair as they hugged.
“I know, stay out of my room, okay?” Sandy replied smiling at her oldest sister.
Jeannie, still sobbing, just grabbed Sandy, and held on tight. “I do not want you to go……” She just increased her grip on Jeannie and held her close. She didn’t want to go either, but this was the right thing to do.
“Hey, you two…listen up. I’m sorry that I have put the two of you in this spot. I know these past weeks have been hell for you both. While I am gone, please go easy on mom. She and I have said some really nasty things to one another, but she is still my mom and I love her. This is hard on her too. Promise you will be extra kind and loving with her? Please?”
Jeannie nodded her head and Laney said, “Of course.”
Leon stuck his head in the door, “Sandy honey, I think we need to get on the road.” His heart hurt seeing all three of his girls together. Somehow, he felt he would never see the three of them exactly like this together again. He saw their mother in all three; what beautiful angels they were.
With a few last hugs and tears, Leon, Lucinda, and Sandy pulled out onto the highway headed toward Mobile. Even though no one said it, they all knew nothing for their family would ever be the same again. Yet this one act of love held a kernel of hope. The hope growing inside Sandy. already loved far more than he or she may ever know. The greatest act of love is in letting go.
Even though it took him a while to accept Sandy’s plan, Danny Wayne finally agreed that Sandy would carry the baby to full-term and they would give the baby up for adoption. No amount of pleading or crying could get Sandy to change her mind. She knew that if they married, that her mother would be destroyed from all the gossip and there would always be a rift in the family. And yes, people WOULD talk, Lucinda was correct about that, but Sandy did not want their child one day faced with the question from some kid at school, “My mom said your dad had to marry your mom because she was pregnant.” Their child deserved to start life with a clean slate with parents who loved him or her just as much as Sandy and Danny Wayne.
Leon had arranged for Sandy to spend the remainder of her pregnancy at a small home for unwed mothers in Mobile, AL. The name of the home felt right to Sandy. Hannah’s House. There were only six girls in residence at one time, so it was a small group that allowed for support and one-on-one counseling with the staff.
Leon had also arranged with the principal of Mason Academy for Sandy to continue her studies long distance, and even though she would not get to graduate in person with her class, she would get her diploma. They told everyone Sandy had been selected for an exchange program through Magnolia State University where she had already been accepted for the fall term. It was nothing anyone at Macon Academy had ever heard before, but everyone seemed to accept the story. They were all busy trying to prepare for their last high school prom and activities. If anyone was suspicious, they never said as much to Jeannie who was finishing up her junior year.
Lucinda had hit the roof which prompted several loud and all-night conversations behind closed doors with Leon, but she suddenly she stopped protesting and finally agreed to Sandy and DW’s plan. None of the girls really knew why she had the sudden change of heart, but things calmed down considerably after that, and Leon seemed overtly affectionate. Sandy was relieved to see the tension ease between her parents.
They settled Sandy into her new bedroom at Hannah’s House and met the staff and five other girls. Three were due any time and the other two were not much further along than Sandy. They immediately made her feel welcome and Leon was relieved to see that she was already engaging with them. Lucinda honestly tried to smile and be friendly, but she couldn’t wait until they were on the road back to Mason.
Sandy walked them to the car when it was time for them to leave. Leon threw his arm around Sandy and pulled her close as they walked. “Call us if you need anything? You know we can be here in less than three hours, right?”
“Yes, dad…..thank you.”
“Aw, honey, you’re welcome. I have to take care of my girls.” He took Lucinda’s hand when he said this. She squeezed his hand in response.
“No dad, I mean it.” They stopped walking and she turned and faced her parents. “I want to thank you both. I know this has put a horrible strain on the both of you, and our entire family. I’m sorry that I messed up, but I cannot be sorry that I love DW or this baby. I’m trying to make things right. Thanks, dad for setting everything up.” Looking at her mother, “And mom, I’m sorry for all the ugly things I said, I do love you, I do. I’m not sure why you changed your mind about all this, but I’m glad.”
For the first time all day, Lucinda’s face relaxed. Maybe one day Sandy would understand why she felt the way she did. She was sorry for the things she had said in anger and fear. Leon had helped her see that projecting her own fears onto Sandy was unfair. He was right. Leon was always right. Thank God, she had found him. She sometimes thought about how different her life would have turned out had she not met and married him.
Taking Sandy’s hand, “Sweetheart, I’m sorry too. I just love you so much and I never want you or your sisters to suffer. I know how cruel life and people can be. I just never wanted that for any of you.” The two women clung to one another. Leon touched Lucinda on the shoulder, and she released Sandy and immediately reached for a tissue out of her purse. “Okay, young lady. You need to go rest and your father and I need to get back to Mason. We will get there just in time for Lady’s dinner. You know how she will whine if we are late to the bowl.”
Before either of them could start in with more tears, Leon helped Lucinda into the car and gave his daughter one last hug before getting in the driver’s seat. Seems like yesterday she was just a toddler running after Laney. Now she was all grown up and as he drove out of Hannah’s House parking lot, he knew his little girl had become a grown woman.
*********
Sandy spent her pregnancy days finishing her high school studies sitting on the patio that overlooked Mobile Bay. Being next to the water calmed her spirit and as the days ticked by, she could feel their baby growing and kicking. DW called every night, but she was concerned about him. He was staying out all night, drinking and had even gotten into a fist fight in Ms. Betty’s parking lot. The Sheriff brought him home to Jack and Geraldine with a warning.
“Son, I know this is killing you, but nothing will kill you faster than the bottle. Somehow, you have got to pull yourself together, finish school and move forward.” Jack Shepard kept telling his son. Geraldine chained smoked and wrung her hands trying to figure out a way to get her son back. Nothing helped other than the nightly call to Sandy.
He missed her so much. He really hated Lucinda Woods for this. He said as much to Sandy one night when he called more than a little drunk. “Hey, Danny….wait just a minute. You and I made this decision together, remember?” For the first time since leaving Sandy was angry with him. Her back was cramping, and she had not felt great all day. “I’m sorry you hate my mother, but this attitude is not helping either one of us right now. You’re drunk all the time; Jeannie tells me that you are constantly arguing and getting into fights with your buddies. I’m already under a lot of stress and constantly worrying about whether you have driven into a ditch or been arrested is the last thing I need. Okay?”
“Well guess what, Sandy, I’ve BEEN stressed since the day you told me you were pregnant!” he yelled into the phone.
“Meaning what, DW?”
“Meaning if you hadn’t gone and gotten yourself pregnant, we wouldn’t be in this mess!
She could not believe this was her sweet DW yelling into the phone. With tears creeping out the corner of her eyes, she softly responded, “DW, I am sorry that I alone got us pregnant. I’m sorry that your senior year has been ruined, and I’m sorry that my mother is the wicked witch from the west!” She slammed the phone down and cried herself to sleep.
Dammit! Now he had made Sandy cry. He hadn’t really meant that. This wasn’t her fault alone. He knew that. It just hurt like hell.
Sandy went into labor July 4th weekend. At her request, no one from home was with her. It was more painful than she realized it would be, but she gave birth to a beautiful 7-pound baby girl with a head of dark hair like Danny Wayne and dimples like Sandy. She was the most beautiful thing Sandy had ever seen. Hannah House allowed the mother to spend a few hours with the baby before handing her over to the staff. Those four hours with their baby was a gift imprinted on her heart forever. She had learned to crochet from one of the other girls and made a sweet little blanket to send along with her. She hoped the adoptive parents would one day explain this little gift was from her. Leon had arranged the adoption and she knew the couple had been trying for several years with no luck to have a baby of their own. They were young, in love and the adoptive dad was studying to be a doctor. She knew their baby would have the best of everything, most especially love. When the time came, she wrapped Grace in her blanket and handed her to the nurse. She had requested that the baby’s name be Grace if a girl and Michael if a boy. Amazingly, they had agreed. That was when Sandy knew they were the right couple.
Sandy would always keep in touch with the girls from Hannah’s House. They had shared something very special that would bond them for life. After leaving Hannah House, she lived on campus at Magnolia State and stayed away from Mason as much as possible. Danny Wayne could never seem to move forward and eventually she had to tell him it was over between the two of them. After he almost came to blows with Jack, he left and went out west for a while. Sandy studied hard and graduated at the top of her class with a Bachelor of Science in Computer and Information Technology with a minor in Mathematics. Leon, Lucinda, Laney, and Jeannie were all there to see her walk across the stage and receive her diploma. She had missed that experience in high school, and it meant so much to her. From there she lived in Texas a while, but then a major promotion moved her to Baltimore, Maryland, where she met Greg Grant.
He was handsome, smart, and had grown up near Boston. The two had been teamed on a major project and spent many long hours working and arguing over data and deadlines. They dated for a couple of years and then moved in together. Lucinda, in true form, was not pleased but given Sandy was in Maryland and Lucinda in Mason, it didn’t really matter. Greg proposed one Valentine’s Day and the two married that autumn in Boston. Greg’s family was wealthy and really showed Leon and Lucinda a great time. Lucinda loved every moment of it.
At last, everything she had always hoped for Sandy – a good husband, financially secure, great position in the community. They seemed happy; what more could a mother ask for? They were both so busy in their jobs, Lucinda and Leon only saw them a few times a year. She began noticing that Sandy always seemed to have a glass of something in her hand when they did see them. Lucinda decided it was part of living in a large city and having a stressful job, but Sandy always seemed happy and smiling. Leon noticed it too, and even though he didn’t share his concerns with Lucinda, it disturbed him.
On one particular visit to Baltimore, Lucinda decided to share with Sandy that DW was back in Mason and had married a woman from Colorado. Her and Geraldine seemed to be thick as thieves and the two of them were busy helping DW start a goat farm, of all things. The plan was to use the goat’s milk to make lotion and soaps. Apparently, DW had managed to find the perfect woman to add to the Shepard clan. She was surprised when Sandy threw her napkin down and stumbled from the table, heading to the bar for another drink. Both she and Leon flew home worried about their daughter.
Over time things grew more and more tense between Greg and Sandy. He was constantly nagging her about her drinking, and she was yelling at him to back off. The final straw came when she showed up for a huge client meeting drunk. It was only because the CEO liked Greg and Sandy so much that he gave Sandy a leave of absence instead of firing her on the spot. Greg’s condition was that she go into rehab and get some control over her drinking.
While in rehab, she discovered a lump in her left breast. She finished up rehab, but it wasn’t long before she was drinking again. She did not even tell Greg about the cancer. When he said he was moving out, she told him that she would leave instead. There were times that he felt she had never really been married to him. When they started dating, she had told him about DW and Grace and all that led her to Maryland. He really thought if he loved her enough, that well…he’d be enough. He knew in his heart that he’d never be. She flew home to Mason and never went back to Maryland or Greg.
