Secret Sins – Part 3

Several nights later, and a yet another long argument with Leon, Lucinda knew she was being unreasonable, but she truly felt Sandy was making a huge mistake. Yet, things had become difficult between her and Leon.  They had weathered storms in their marriage before, but those were always outside forces pushing against them.  Never had there been a wedge between the two.  With her resistance finally at a breaking point,  Lucinda ended her silence and told Leon the secret she had carried for so long.  She could not risk losing him, and she may well still lose him once he knew the truth, but she needed him to understand.  As she began, it was like a dam of water held back too long.  Every horrid detail poured out of her.

Lucinda’s mother, Frida, came from a family of sharecroppers.  Her dad was mean, and her poor mother worked hard.  As soon as she finished school, she left and moved to the Gulf Coast where she met and fell in love with a soldier named Stephen Rossetti, who was stationed at Kessler Air Force base.  They planned to be married which meant she would be a military wife.  The excitement of being able to live all over the world with Stephen was more than she could have ever dreamed. Sadly, things with the war escalated and he was suddenly shipped out.  Not long after, she realized she was pregnant. He was so excited when she got to tell him on a rare phone call.  Her parents had already disowned her and threw her out. Even worse they told everyone in their community that she was a Jezebel.  Thankfully, she was able to stay with a cousin who felt sorry for her and took her in.  She was glad to finally be free from her parents. As long as she had Stephen and their baby, everything would be fine.

Frida was four months pregnant when she received word that he was killed in action.  She could not believe that her sweet, handsome Stephen was never coming home or meeting his son or daughter.  Somehow, she managed to pull herself together and find a job at the shipyard answering the phones. It made her feel closer to Stephen. While working there she met Arch Dale. He was good looking and didn’t seem to mind that Frida was pregnant with a dead man’s child.  He promised to take care of her and the baby, so they married.  She was never in love with Arch the way she had loved Stephen, but she felt a baby needed a father and a home.  Times were hard, an especially so if you were pregnant and unmarried. As many women did during those times, she did what she felt she had to do.

Lucinda was born and was the spitting image of Stephen.  Black hair and brown eyes; Frida could not stop staring at her.  Every time she looked at Lucinda; she saw Stephen.  Arch didn’t know it, but Frida chose her name because it was Stephen’s mom’s name.  She tried contacting his parents a few times but never with any success.  At first Arch was proud of his little family, but the more Frida talked about how much Lucinda looked like Stephen he began to drink.  Sadly, he was not a nice drunk. He would slam out of the house when Lucinda would cry, which was often, but after a while he started taking his frustrations out on Frida.  By the time Lucinda was school age, she knew that Arch was not a good man.  Frida made sure that Lucinda knew her real dad was Stephen Rossetti, the love of her life.

Somehow Lucinda was astute enough to lock her bedroom door at night. The walls of their little house were thin, and she could hear her mother begging Arch not to hit her.  Young Lucinda started covering her head with her pillow to drown out the yelling and crying.  By the time Lucinda was a teenager, Frida, beaten down and defeated joined Arch in his nightly drink.  She began to take out her pent up frustrations on Lucinda.  At one point she told her that it was Lucinda’s fault that people talked badly about her.  A damaged woman was always shunned and talked about. Lucinda vowed that as soon as she could get away, she would make sure that her life would be different.  No one would have reason to talk badly about her or her family.

She worked hard in school, but even there she encountered issues.  The girls shunned her because  her clothes were handmade  or purchased at the thrift store.  She had taught herself to sew and saved money from babysitting a neighbor’s children to purchase an old Singer sewing machine from a junk store.  Lucinda was industrious and managed to get a part-time job after school and on Saturdays at a local fabric store. This allowed her to purchase fabric and patterns with an employee discount.  She sewed like a dream and always looked stylish, but was still shunned.  She really didn’t care.  All she wanted was to graduate and get to college so she could earn enough money to get far away from Frida and Arch.

Right before a school dance, Monty Henderson asked Lucinda to be his date.  They had chatted some during Math class and Monty always held the door for her and treated her with respect.  He seemed more mature than the other boys who only wanted to ogle her chest.  When he asked, she politely accepted.  She stayed up nights sewing a dress of periwinkle blue to wear.  She had managed to snag some discounted pearl buttons from the shop and had been saving them for a special dress.  Excitedly, she used them for the little buttons down the front of the bodice.

On the night of the dance, Monty picked her up with an orchid corsage. Lucinda had never had a corsage before and did not even know an orchid existed. She managed to meet Monty outside so he would not see Frida or Arch who were already drunk and yelling at one another in their sparse living room.

Once they arrived at the dance, more than one head turned to see Lucinda who looked like a model in her periwinkle dress with the pearl buttons.  Monty strutted around proud to be on her arm.  They danced and sipped punch in between numbers. Monty also partook of some heavily spiked punch his buddies had snuck into the dance while Lucinda was not watching. For the first time, Lucinda felt as though she fit into this world.  After a couple of hours, Monty asked her if she’d like to take a drive and go somewhere quieter to talk.  Lucinda really didn’t want to leave the festive feeling behind, but she agreed, and they left. 

Monty pulled into a spot at a park where all the teens went “parking.” Lucinda had never been parking or kissed a boy.  At first, Monty asked her questions about herself no one had ever bothered to ask before. She found herself sharing about Frida and Arch.  He made all the appropriate comments and at one point even took her hand while she spoke.  Just as she was beginning to relax, he took her face in his hands and gently kissed her lips. She discovered she liked it by the instant feeling of heat rushing up her body. Sensing her response, Monty began to kiss her more urgently. Lucinda did not resist, and the next thing she realized, Monty was trying to undo her pearl buttons on the front of her dress.  Panicking, she pulled back and asked him to stop. 

“No, Monty, please stop.”

“Awwww, don’t be like that.  You’ll like it, I promise.” Monty crooned in her ear. 

He continued tugging at her buttons.  Fearful that he would tear her dress, once again she asked him to stop.

“Lucinda, baby, you smell and look so good, don’t be scared, I promise you’re gonna love it.”

He took her hand and placed it on his lap where she felt how aroused he was. He was forcing another kiss when the smell of alcohol finally penetrated her recognition. Instinctively thinking of Arch, she pushed back hard and slapped his face.

“Get your hands off me! I said STOP!  No, means no!” Lucinda yelled.

Monty’s disbelief turned to anger, and he immediately retaliated by slapping her so hard that it threw her back against the passenger window.

“Why you little tease…. who do you think you are acting all self-righteous to me?? Everyone knows your mom and her sorry husband are stone-cold drunks, and that he had to marry her because she was already knocked up by some guy she tricked. Lucky for that guy he got away.” Monty was breathing hard and gripping Lucinda’s left arm.

Lucinda’s fear turned to rage at the thought of anyone speaking ill of her real father. She knew she had to get out of this car and away from Monty but how would she get home?  Seeing another car in the distance from where they parked, she decided to take her chances.  She balled her first up, closed her eyes and whacked Monty right in his nose.

“OWWWWW, you bitch! What have you done?” he screamed.

Blood was gushing from his nose, but she didn’t stay to find out if it was broken.  Jumping from the car, she ran as fast as she could in her heels down to the next car.  Two startled teens listened as she explained that she needed to get away and would they be willing to give her a ride home. Thankfully, they agreed, asking her if she was okay or needed the police.  Shaking, she just shook her head and asked to be taken home.

Lucinda had never been so humiliated and hurt. What a fool she had been to think Monty Henderson actually cared about her.  All he cared about was having sex.  All those years of listening to Frida blame her for their problems flooded over her.  She vowed right then and there to get out as quickly as she could. 

After that, she avoided talking to anyone at school and put her head down and studied as hard as she could. Monty made sure everyone knew that she was a ‘dick tease’ but interestingly enough, he led everyone to believe his broken nose was due to a basketball in the face over the weekend.  A few times she found nasty notes slid into her locker with horrible words written about her, but Lucinda was too busy trying to get out of there to care.  At graduation time, she was elated to find that she had won a small scholarship to the prestigious college, Collingswood University.  It was her ticket out! She left Frida, Arch, and Gulfport behind, and while at Collingswood she met Leon Woods, who immediately fell in love with her.   

He was so kind and gentle and never made her feel cheap.  In fact, he made her feel as though she was the most beautiful woman in the world.  She did not have the courage to tell him about her past for fear of losing him.  Instead, she said her parents were dead, leaving her alone.  Leon’s mother, Iris, immediately took to Lucinda and treated her like one of her own daughters.  Iris was the one who taught Lucinda how to dress like a lady, entertain, keep a home etc.  Lucinda soaked it all up like a sponge.  When Leon suggested he would like to have his law practice in Mason, Lucinda didn’t bat an eye.  It was far enough away from her past, she’d gladly have gone to Timbuktu if that is what she had to do.

After the girls were born, she felt the need to reach back out to her mother, but Frida was so deep into her addiction that she did not even recognize Lucinda when she went to visit.  Arch had died several years before then and Frida was living in government assisted housing.  Lucinda felt guilty for leaving her mother behind, but it was the only way she knew how to get free.  When Frida passed away, Lucinda secretly paid to have her buried.  Her heart would always be broken for the woman that Frida had been before the alcohol took hold and her real dad, Stephen Rossetti, that died without knowing his daughter.

It wasn’t until Sandy’s pregnancy that Leon finally got the truth out of Lucinda. After she finished talking, instead of being angry, he took her in his arms and cradled her while she finally cried tears she had never allowed.  That was when she decided to stop trying to control the outcome of Sandy’s pregnancy and allow Sandy the freedom to make her own decisions. Leon urged her to tell Sandy the truth, but she just wasn’t ready. Understanding that she needed to make that decision on her own, Leon just loved her and hoped that one day she would find a way to share her story with all the girls.  His heart hurt for Lucinda and the shame that had been reaped on her in error.