Angel’s Garden – Conclusion

Scout looked up at Annie reproachfully, as if to say, “You really blew it this time.” She did feel horrible at what she had said, but the woman was impossible! Stamping back inside she tried to shake off her feelings of guilt by cleaning out the refrigerator. After an evening of slamming cabinets and muttering to herself, she and Scout went to bed early.

She was walking through the garden and saw Vic ahead of her. She called out to him, but he never turned towards her. The more she tried to catch up with him, the faster he moved ahead. Jerking awake, she looked at her cell. 6 a.m. Throwing the covers back she padded into the bathroom and peeped out her window. No Angel.

After a shower, she made coffee, poured herself a cup, and added creamer. Peering out the window while she drank, thoughts of her dream floated through her mind. Apparently, Vic was upset with her too. Slamming her now empty cup on the counter, she grabbed her sunhat off the peg by the French doors and headed out into the early morning sun. It was now going on 7 a.m. and no Angel. It occurred to Annie that she did not even have a way to contact her. No cell, no email, no home address, nothing.

Getting her hand tools from the garden shed, she began to look at all the work they accomplished yesterday on her raised bed. Well, Angel had done all the heavy lifting while Annie watched or helped with her one free arm. She watered all the plants and admitted there was nothing left to do for now. Wandering back inside, she was at odds. Still no Angel. She had a PT session in an hour anyway.

Backing out of her drive, Annie decided she was not going to worry if Angel showed up while she was gone. It was common courtesy to let someone know when you were not going to keep an appointment. Putting her SUV in drive, she sped off down the street.

A few hours later, Annie pulled into her drive to find an older woman standing on her front porch. Hearing a motor, the woman turned and smiled. She came down the steps as Annie was exiting her vehicle.

“Well, hello! You must be Annie. I am Betsy Kelly, your neighbor down the way. Angel told me to drop by today to meet my new gardening friend.” The woman was slightly plump and exuded warmth. She was dressed in jeans and a plaid shirt. It was obvious she had been working outside.

Annie was instantly irritated to find yet another stranger in her yard, but the woman had such a gentle demeanor, she found herself offering her hand for a shake.

“Hi, nice to meet you. I’m sorry I wasn’t here when you arrived. Angel did not tell me what time you planned to drop by, and she did not show up for work this morning.”

Betsy Kelly just nodded her head and continued staring at Annie. Realizing she meant to visit anyway, she motioned toward the garden gate. “Would you like to see the garden? It’s right through here.” Annie turned and led the way.

“I thought you’d never ask! Angel went on and on about this amazing English garden you and your late husband created. What a gift!” Betsy Kelly dutifully followed Annie through the gate. The minute Betsy saw the full garden she stopped and clutched her chest.

“Oh, my!” she exclaimed. “I have never seen a home garden this magnificent before! How in the world did the two of you manage to create this magical oasis?” Betsy turned and looked at Annie, with wide eyes.

Before she knew it, Annie was leading Betsy through the garden telling story after story about what inspired her and Vic, along with tales of the difficulties they encountered. A whole hour had passed without Annie even realizing it. She found herself inviting Betsy Kelly inside for afternoon coffee.

As Angel had before her, Betsy commented on all the plants, cookbooks, and artifacts that Annie and Vic had collected in their travels throughout Europe. Settling at the breakfast table Betsy began to share about her late husband, Patrick.

“You were so lucky to be able to travel. My Patrick and I did not get to travel as much as we’d liked. We did make a few trips back to Ireland where his ancestors were from, but once he was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s we knew our time together was going to be limited. He preferred to stay at home, with me in familiar surroundings. Our children live out of state, but they came often before his memory started fading. Once that began, well it was difficult for them to see their father like that.” Betsy paused to take a sip of the coffee Annie had set before her along with a plate of shortbread cookies.

She couldn’t help but notice the painful look on the older woman’s face. “How long were you married?” she inquired.

Betsy smiled again, “Almost fifty-five years. Can you believe that? I was only eighteen when we married, and Paddie was twenty. We didn’t know a thing about what being married was about, but together, we figured it out.”

Annie only nodded in response. Looking down she asked, “How did you manage? I mean once he could no longer remember you?”

Betsy set her cup down and leaned on her elbow. “Well, now. That was a hard time. At first, I had difficulty accepting that Paddie would eventually not remember me, but what I did realize is that while he may not remember who I was to him, he knew somehow that I was important. I guess after you have been with a person that long, you begin to meld into one being. I had angry times, but that mostly came after. While he was still with me, I was determined to make the most of each day. The grief came in horrible waves after he was gone. How are you handling things with your husband gone. His name was Vic, correct?”

Annie nodded and quietly said, “I do not think I’m handling it very well. I am so damned angry all the time. Angel has even implied that I’m…well not very nice at times.”

At her response, Betsy threw her head back and laughed. “That sounds like Angel, alright. Straight and to the point. But gosh, I admire her so much given everything she has been through with the loss of her husband and son. I cannot imagine the horror she suffered through, can you?”

Annie was ashamed to admit that she did not know what Betsy was referring to. She had never bothered to ask Angel any questions about her personal life. Betsy, sensing that Annie did not know reached across the table and touched her arm.

“Oh, dear! You do not know do you?”

Annie shook her head no in response.

“She lost both on 9/11 when the terrorists attacked the World Trade Center. Her husband, Michael worked in the north tower and her son, Gabriel, was a firefighter. Gabriel lost his life while trying to find his dad’s body. They never were able to recover Michael’s body, but Angel buried Gabriel with a plaque for Michael with him. Can you imagine?” Betsy stopped talking when she saw the look on Annie’s face.

Annie suddenly burst into tears.

**

Several hours later, Annie gave Betsy Kelly a hug as she watched her walk down the street back to her house. They had spent the afternoon together talking and crying. Annie had poured her heart out to her new friend. She told her about all the anger, fear, loneliness, and feelings of being untethered. She was shocked to realize that Betsy understood it all and shared about her personal grief journey. How foolish she had been. Why did she think that she needed no one when she desperately needed others who understood.

After learning about Angel’s story, she felt contrite and ashamed. Turns out she had gotten everything about Angel wrong. Annie knew that she had to find her and make things right. She resolved to visit The Garden of Eden in the morning and see if she could track Angel down. For the first time since before Vic died, Annie slept all night with no dreams.

The next morning, she struck out early. She was relieved to finally ditch the arm sling and slowly begin using her arm. As she pulled into the parking lot at The Garden of Eden, she hoped to get lucky enough to find Angel there. Entering the shop, she noticed Dan and Esme sorting through a stack of carrots. Seeing her, they both waved.

“Hey, guys. How are you?” Annie inquired, stopping by the display.

“We are rich in carrots. Just look at these lovely tops!” Dan remarked, holding up a nice bunch for Annie to see.

Esme replied, “Amazing, right? How are things working out with Angel?”

Annie shook her head, “I’m afraid I’ve botched things up. I actually stopped by to see if she was here, by chance?” She noticed the couple look at one another. Esme finally spoke up.

“You’ll probably find her out back. She showed up here this morning. We were wondering if something was up. She is unusually quiet.” Esme placed a bunch of carrots on the heap and motioned for Annie.

“Come on, let’s see if she is still in the back.”

Annie followed close behind and once outside in their garden lot, she immediately saw Angel bent over a bed of herbs. Touching Esme’s arm, she said, “I can take it from here. Thanks.”

Esme nodded and folded her arms. She really hoped the two women could make amends. Seeing Annie approach where Angel was working, she turned and headed back inside.

If Angel heard anyone behind her, she seemed oblivious. Annie cleared her throat and finally said, “Hey.” Angel kept working but said, “Hey, back.”

Annie moved over and sat on the picnic bench nearby. “Think you can talk to me for a minute?”

Throwing a handful of weeds in a nearby bucket, Angel responded, “Sure, talk away.”

It took Annie a few seconds, but she began by saying, “Angel, I am so sorry I hurt you. Please forgive me. You were right. I have been such a bitch. Not just to you, but many. There’s no excuse for being cruel just because you are hurting.” She stopped. Angel continued her weeding, but her shoulders relaxed some.

Angel kept going, “Why didn’t you tell me about your own losses? Betsy told me about your husband and son. Angel, I’m so sorry that happened to you. You should have told me!”

Angel jerked around and stood up. “Why? So you would have held a better opinion of me?” Her dark eyes flashed.

Annie could only drop her head, “Maybe, I don’t know. Talking about personal things is hard for me. Always has been. My parents were not very demonstrative. Showing emotions was considered bad taste. It wasn’t until I met Vic that I began to feel differently. He was all about showing emotions. He made me feel so alive, and now that he is gone, well I am angry. I do not know how to do that by myself. He made me a better person.” Tears had started running down her cheeks and for once, she didn’t care.

Angel came and sat next to Annie. “Seems to me you just did that pretty well.” Sighing, she put her arm around Annie. “I didn’t tell you because you never asked. You never asked me one personal question. I kept thinking that the more time we spent together, the more you’d come to trust me enough to share your feelings.”

Annie pulled back and looked at Angel. For an instant she wanted to be angry, but instead she nodded and answered, “I know. I didn’t ask. I apologize for being so self-centered in my own pain that I had not thought of anyone else. I want to be different. I want to be more like Vic, and you, and Betsy Kelly. I really do.”

“Do you really mean that in your heart?” Angel asked.

“Yes!” replied Annie.

Standing back up, Angel took a business card from the pocket of her old dress. Handing it to Annie, she went back to her herbs. “Then be at this address tonight at 6 p.m. Do not be late.”

Annie realized their conversation was over for the moment. Looking down at the card, it read, “Gabriel’s House.” Standing, she pocketed the card in her jeans and asked, “What’s Gabriel’s House?”

Over her shoulder, Angel replied, “Just show up and you’ll see for yourself.”

**

Annie made sure she pulled up in front the big white house at 5:55 p.m. She was not chancing being late. The house was sprawling and had small plots of vegetables and flowers scattered throughout the property. She had no idea this place existed, but she had to admit that she had never been to this part of the city before. It was not in the circle she and Vic usually ran.

She opened the gate and walked under a pergola covered in climbing roses. Their sweet smell immediately assaulted your nose. A sign in the front read, “Gabriel’s House” Underneath was the statement, “Where Broken Hearts Come to Heal. All welcome.” Walking up the front steps, Angel opened the large glass door and greeted her.

“I cannot believe it! You are right on time!” She stepped aside and let Annie pass.

The entry room was immediately welcoming and comfortable. Muted tones throughout the furnishings, along with plants along a wall of windows invited you to take a seat in one of the plush cushions nearby. Soothing instrumental music was piped through a hidden sound system. Annie was surprised at how modern the place seemed. Turning, she looked at Angel. “This place is amazing, what is it?”

Angel motioned for Annie to follow her through a short hallway that led into a sunroom. Rows of chairs were set up with a lectern positioned at the front. The room overlooked a glorious garden. Annie’s mouth dropped open. “Well? Tell me!”

Angel laughed and invited Annie to take a seat. “Welcome to Gabriel’s House. After I lost my husband, Michael, and our only child, Gabe, I sank into despair. There were days I didn’t know where I was, and I certainly didn’t care if I lived or died. Inside, I already felt dead. I started drinking heavily and lashed out at anyone who tried to help. But then someone came to me that finally penetrated my pain and gave me a good shake. It was through that connection that I started attending AA meetings, stopped drinking, started grief counseling, and slowly began to figure out how to make life worthwhile without Michael and Gabe. I was one of the lucky ones. So many still suffer in silence from 9/11 while everyone went back to their normal lives. Our lives would never be normal again. If I had not encountered a loving soul who reminded me there was still life to live, I would not be sitting here having this conversation with you.”

Annie just shook her head. “Go, on, please.”

“Once I got myself together, I was able to cash in on Michael’s life insurance policy which turned out to be larger than he had told me. I sold our brownstone and decided to start a non-profit to help others in similar positions. I traveled around a while before I found this property and decided to purchase it.”

“So, you live here, then?” Annie asked looking around the room.

“Yes, along with ten other residents. We have volunteers that offer their services as well.

“Wow!” Annie exclaimed. I had no idea. Your friend must be impressed with everything you’ve done. Is he or she part of the organization?”

“Not physically, but I always hear his laughter and encouragement whenever the old doubts and fears creep in.” Angel responded.

Annie continued with more questions. “Who are the residents? How do you find them?”

“Well, we go find them. We focus on visiting the city shelter, but also in what we call Tent City. They are the ones society has given up on. Vets suffering from PTSD and addiction issues; many come to us with mental health needs, and we try to get them placed in facilities that specialize in their issue. Others have lost their homes or jobs due to some trauma and/or loss. Then are those like me that have lost someone in events like 9/11. They just need a respite until they can plan their next move. They earn their keep by taking care of the gardens and volunteering. We supply vegetables, herbs, and flowers for The Garden of Eden, plus a couple of other organic grocers in the city. We now have a waiting list, which is wonderful because it means we are doing something right, but the downside is I am only equipped to house ten residents, along with myself and our staff chef who prepares all the meals. My dream is to bring enough awareness to have other houses available and a full-time staff.”

Annie could not believe all she had learned. She was so ashamed of how ignorant and self-absorbed she had become. Angel truly was an angel. A spark began to ignite within her heart. She wanted to help! Just then a couple of men came into the room. They looked worn and wore old fatigues and boots. Angel immediately greeted them with a hug and both men smiled and laughed at something she said. They noticed Annie sitting there and Angel motioned for her to join them.

“Guys, I’d like you to meet Annie. She has a fabulous garden at her place!” Both men started asking questions and before she Annie knew it; she had invited them over to see her garden in person. Angel merely smiled as she watched their exchange.

Later, the two women walked to Annie’s SUV as she departed for home. Her head was still spinning from everything she had seen and witnessed that evening. Angel invited her to stay for one of their group meetings. Many of the residents shared parts of their stories. Annie realized she was not alone when it came to grief. She even found herself sharing a little of her story. At the end of the meeting, they all stood and held hands, and someone said a prayer. For once, Annie didn’t bristle, instead she felt a peace that was new to her.

They continued to talk for a minute longer before Annie pulled away. She happened to look down and noticed Angel’s signature old work boots. On the spur of the moment she asked, “I’ve never asked why you always wear those old boots. They look a tad too large for your feet.”

Angel looked down at her feet and held one up. She smiled and gazed back into Annie’s face. “They belonged to Gabriel. He was wearing these the day he died. I know he was trying to find Michael.” She stopped talking a moment, but then said, “They are a size too big which is why I wear thick socks, but I wear them to feel close to him and to daily remind myself to be brave, just like he was.”

Annie could only nod her head. She got it. Staring straight ahead, she commented, “The first time I ever saw you was at the ramp selling dollar newspapers for the homeless. You were wearing one of your old baggy dresses, those old work boots and a sun hat. I automatically assumed you were homeless. I think I even scoffed as I drove by. I apologize. I have been a snob most of my life, as much as I hate to admit it. Going forward, I am going to make myself a promise not to judge others. I have not walked in their shoes, no pun intended. I hope you will forgive me.”

Annie finally looked over at Angel who was smiling at her. Angel touched her arm and replied, “I forgave you a long time ago.”

With one last wave, Annie pulled away and drove home. As she drove, she began to talk to Vic about her idea. Once home, she hummed as she prepared for bed. Scout seemed a bit perplexed as to why she was in such a good mood, but wagged his tail and enjoyed a belly rub. Her dreams that night was once again full of Vic. They were running through the garden, laughing, and playing with Scout, and she felt joy. Instead of waking feeling sad, she awoke smiling and ready to get busy. Somehow, she felt Vic urging her forward with her newfound plans.

**

Ten months later…

Annie was standing in the middle of what used to be her living room but now was the house meeting room looking for her folder. She had it during the last group session but somehow had misplaced it. Looking under the lectern, Dan came in from the kitchen.

“Hey, have you decided where you want the delivery of compost? Betsy sent me in to find out.”

Annie popped up from behind the lectern. “Hi, Dan! Just tell them to pull up to the side garden shed. There should be room to put it all inside. Thanks!”

“Sure thing!” he called as he headed back through the kitchen. The expanded partnership with The Garden of Eden was working beautifully. Gabriel’s House and the yet-to-be-named new house were now supplying all the produce for The Garden of Eden. It was a full-time job and Annie was grateful for all the residents and volunteers who made it happen.

She walked into the kitchen; Betsy Kelly rushed in all excited. Annie turned a huge smile at her friend.

“Well, hello! What has you all aflutter, I can tell by the look on your face that you have news, unless a load of compost still gets you excited.”

Betsy parked herself on a barstool, a bit out of breath, and shoved an envelope across to Annie. “I’ll always love my chickens and their poop because they brought you and Angel into my life.” Betsy replied.

Seeing the handwriting, she instantly knew it was another card from Angel. She still missed her dearly, but she was happy that her friend was off seeing the world.

When Angel told her that it was time for her to move on, Annie was crushed. She cried, argued and pleaded until Angel told her she was acting like the old Annie that she stopped and listened. As much as she hated her leaving, she knew it was something Angel needed to do.

The first month or two she was terrified. She had never run a non-profit before or lived with strangers. Slowly, she began to find her wings and she made the decision to turn her house into a second home that could house six residents plus herself. Betsy had agreed to help her prepare their meals. Everything was in place but the name of the house.

She had wrestled with a name for weeks. Today was the day she had to let the sign maker know. Shaking her head, she walked outside to one of the swings and sank down. Everyone was bustling about her garden…. well, no longer just her garden, but everyone’s garden.

More raised beds had been added, and some of the ivy and English shrubs had been removed. She felt Vic would understand that the room was needed. Taking the envelope from her apron pocket, she opened Angel’s card.

When she pulled out the card, her breath caught. It was the village in the Cotswold’s that had inspired her and Vic to create this garden. She had never shared that with anyone.

Opening the card, it read:

“Hey, I thought you’d like this card. I have dreamed about a garden since Michael and Gabe died. Every night, I’d dream I was walking through some English village guided by my angel that helped bring me back to life. I knew one day I would eventually be led to its exact location. Reminded me of your garden! Who knew? Love, Angel

P.S. Remember not to overwater the pole beans. They hate that!

Betsy walked up as Annie sat drying her eyes. “Hey, the sign guy is here. He wants to know what name he needs to engrave. Have you made a decision?”

Annie joined Betsy and she linked arms. Smiling up at the sky, she said a prayer of thanks and said, “Yes, I have! Welcome to Angel’s Garden”