Roy Rogers and Trigger

Roy Rogers and Trigger.

Does anyone remember watching them as a kid? They were a bit before my time, but I do remember my parents talking about Roy Rogers with his trusty horse, Trigger.

Trigger is a word you hear frequently in conversation these days. It is the new catch phrase in psychotherapy. Trigger is to the 2020s as co-dependent was to the 80s.

For anyone who may not understand, a trigger is a stimulus that causes a painful memory to resurface. It can bring on panic attacks and anxiety, headaches, body aches, tears, angry outbursts.  In other words, triggers are not pleasant, and they can happen anywhere. Usually at the worst time and most inappropriate places.

Let me give you an example of one I experienced right after we moved from Nashville to my hometown. Given my medical history, I had to find new doctors. A good friend recommended an oncologist since I need yearly checkups.

While at the appointment, the doctor ordered a blood history since I was a new patient. The cancer center had recently moved into a new building and was not completely set up. This meant I had to go next door to the main clinic for bloodwork.

I spent most of my teenage years visiting that clinic during the time I had Hodgkin’s disease. The structure had undergone major renovations since my last visit in the late 80s. The minute I stepped into the building, I felt hot all over. I had to wait in a very large, and full waiting room. With each minute, I felt more and more anxious. I recall feeling puzzled about why I was so anxious, but I marked it down to just having moved.

Finally, my name was called. The lab tech was nice, but I could tell she was rushed. She began to find a vein, unsuccessfully. With each jab, I felt myself getting more and more anxious. To my embarrassment, I began to cry. Not silent tears, but sobs that turned into ugly crying. You know what I mean. I tried to regain my composure, but the more I tried, the harder I sobbed. I could tell the young lab tech was falling apart because she started yelling at me to stop crying.

An older tech who was nearby heard the two of us having a meltdown and quietly approached. She tapped the other tech on the shoulder and moved next to me. She told me that everything was okay and for me to take slow deep breaths. I immediately began to calm down. I didn’t even feel the needle when it went into my vein.

I apologized profusely to both ladies and got out of there as fast as I could. I was so embarrassed because people in the waiting room heard me. The looks on their faces mortified me when I scurried out of there. Once I got to my car, I cried some more.

On the drive home I tried to process what the heck had happened. I have given blood hundreds of times in my life, and I have never had a meltdown like that. Nothing was wrong. My new doctor merely wanted a starting place for managing my health.

It wasn’t until later that I realized what I had was a trigger. The time I spent in that building, even though it did not look the same, had been scary and painful. There were times I waited to hear if the cancer had returned, or if there was another surgery to be had. 

So okay, painful memories. Check. But WHY did I react so strongly even though the place did not even look the same? It SMELT the same. The smell was my trigger. I could still smell the chemicals from the chemotherapy drugs. 

This episode was in early 2014. It had been twenty-seven years since I was in that space, but my sense of smell instantly triggered those painful memories.

Do you experience triggers? How do you handle them?

My initial approach was to avoid having to use that facility. I happily went to any other location if it meant not stepping foot in that building. I even deliberately asked for doctors elsewhere.

While avoidance may help in a situation like this, it’s not really the best course of action. Triggers are UNHEALED wounds that surface when that wound is, well, triggered. It surfaces so you no longer must avoid certain situations or people.

Maybe that feels impossible; so, then what? Have a meltdown or begin to work through that old wound and let it heal?  Granted, some wounds are harder and may take the help of a professional to sort through your surfaced emotions.

But wait, you say, I have worked through all that and I’ve let that go. Have you? Do you still talk about whatever the issue is or how someone hurt you? Do you have anger issues? Are you depressed? If you have been out of a bad relationship long enough to have moved on, but you still talk about that relationship every day – chances you, are you have not healed.

What if you have poor relations with people you HAVE to interact with? Guess what? You can heal those old wounds and still maintain contact.

If you are struggling with triggers, I encourage you to spend time thinking things over and deciding on a new way to handle things. A triggered wound is our body’s way of reminding us, “Hey, let’s look at this so you can be happy and have peace.”

I realized that I had never truly allowed myself to grieve properly for that fifteen-year-old kid that was terrified. She had just lost her dad two years prior, and now she may die too. I began to talk about how I felt during that time with people close to me. More tears were shed, but guess what happened? I can now visit the main clinic with no triggers. I’m grateful, because I have some really great doctors there.

Roy Rogers loved riding off into the sunset with his sidekick, Trigger. His Trigger was a faithful, loving animal. Our triggers are painful wounds. It’s time to let go.